Is It Me? — What Would You Have Me Do?

What the Guardians and Byron Katie taught me about staying in my own business

It started like a nightmare. Humanoid monsters shouting in a language I couldn’t understand, brandishing long, thin weapons at me, clearly intent on harming me. My first instinct was to fight back against these incomprehensible creatures.

But as I started swinging, I looked more closely. The “monsters” were familiar. In fact, they were from Guardians of the Galaxy – blurry zombie versions of Groot, Rocket, Peter Quill, and Gamora. The Guardians were attacking me? That didn’t make sense. Something in my mind told me they weren’t trying to hurt me on purpose. That’s when I realized they couldn’t help acting this way because they were infected with something.

My defensiveness turned immediately to pity. Poor Guardians. I needed to help them. Yet despite my best efforts, the situation remained fractious and chaotic. Then, awareness shifted again, this time more powerfully. Wait, is it me? What if I’m the one infected and that’s why they look and sound the way they do?

I stopped all my struggling and pointed a finger to my chest. “It’s me, isn’t it?”

They nodded, relieved. One of them came forward gently and took my arm. He stuck me quickly with his “weapon,” which turned out to be a needle filled with medicine. Suddenly, my head cleared. I could understand what they were saying. My vision sharpened. I could see their real forms – not aggressive monsters but supportive friends.

And then I woke up.

Unusual that I dreamt so metaphorically, but there it was. Instantly I saw the parallel to waking life. I find myself in frustrating situations due to other people all the time, and I react. I may first focus on the injustice of what they’ve done to me, making them my enemy. I may move to hypothesizing the reasons behind their actions, which seems like a better reaction, but it’s still me sitting in glorious superiority – especially if I try to help them see where they are wrong.

Whether playing victim or fixer, my Gail (aka ego) always writes a story of antagonism and separateness that never truly matches reality. If he, she, they would just change … Nope, it’s not them. It’s me. I’m the one who needs to see or do differently. That one realization shifts everything.

When this dream happened, I’d recently read Byron Katie’s Loving What Is. It reminded me of her simple truth that there are three kinds of business: God’s, other people’s, and ours. My business is the only business I should worry about changing. But just as in my dream, too often I’m infected with the need to be in all the other business instead.

I believe when we focus our energy on what we can do to improve our own choices, our own actions, our own thoughts towards others, that’s when positive change begins to unfold around us. I’ve seen it happen enough in my professional and personal life that I should be inoculated against my ego’s reactions. But, of course, someone does something, and there she goes again.

Fortunately, the more I work to change, the more clearly I can see myself when I create these strange dreams of other people’s problems. And the more I choose to vacate everyone else’s “business,” I stay anchored in my own. What can I do differently to improve this situation?

I can start by remembering the primary question: “What would You have me do?” Not what would I have others do.

Because yes, it’s always me.